I’ve been holding on to this for so long and tonight the words finally came that could express the way I feel.
It’s February 26th. It’s your birthday and I wonder if you’re wondering if I will reach out. Wish you a happy birthday, like you’ve still continued to do for me. I feel as though I am letting you down, disappointing you, and I shouldn’t feel bad. Not after what you did, not at all. But I do. It kills me to be “mean” to you. I never wanted to have to ignore you. To purposefully ignore important milestones in your life but you made me, and that breaks my heart.
It’s weird. How can I not want to hurt someone who hurt me so bad? I don’t want you back. I don’t wish you were still here, but yet, I don’t want to be mean to you and I don’t want to make you sad.