Last December, on the cruise with Dannielle, I was getting ready in our room and this music video came on. Capsize by Frenship with Emily Warren.  I have never been really big into contemporary dance but something about this video, their emotion and movements, and the song captivated me.  I loved everything about it and for months, I listened to this song over and over.

Last night, on my drive home from dance I put this song on, turned my volume up (to 40 of course, it has to be a whole number because I have issues like that), and cried on my way home.  For me, this song and its lyrics capture the struggles of my adulthood.  In that very moment (and often) I was the lyrics.

I’m fine
Drop tears in the morning
Give in to the lonely
Here it comes with no warning
Capsize, I’m first in the water
Too close to the bottom
I’m right back where I started
Said I’m fine

This is what life is like, at least for me anyway. Without warning, the emotions and the tears come.  It’s a fine balance being happy where you are and accepting of your past and present and sometimes it manifests itself in confusion, conflicting emotions, and tears.

I’m swimming up against the tide
Oh my god
I’m swimming but I’m getting tired
Oh my god

I get tired often, but on most days I find the motivation to keep swimming.  I think many of us do.