“Some days I just think “Fuck, this is hard how do I keep this up?” But I find a way.” – a fellow bad ass just trying to do her best

I kind of had a shitty day and I feel a little conflicted about whether or not I overreacted.  I don’t think it’s what was said that bothered me as much as why it was said.  Fuck, who am I kidding?  What and why bothered me.

A coworker of mine, who I actually don’t mind but I have since unfriended on Facespace and who won’t see this, came into my cubicle today and told me a story about a recent hunting trip he went on.  We both know I am an animal lover.  We also both know he is a hunter.

He’s sitting up on his mountain waiting for chukars to kill and some ravens are flying by.  One of them start flying his direction.  He decides to shoot it because, in his own words, it’s not often that he has the opportunity to shoot any.  No reason other than that.  So he shoots this poor bird, fucks up its wing, but it didn’t die.  Immediately his dog goes to retrieve it but it’s still alive so it grabs his dog by the mouth and hangs on for dear life until the dog is finally able to shake him off.  At this point he walks up to the raven and “puts him out of his misery.”

That’s it.  Story over.  He leaves my cube.

I vent a little to one of my coworkers.  What the fuck was the point of that story?  Was I supposed to think he was cool?  Did he think I would be amused?  Was he just trying to fuck up my day?  Get a rise out of me?  I excuse myself and head to the bathroom where I proceed to sob like a little girl in the mirror.

Life is so fucking hard already but I guess that’s not enough.  Why is it that there are people around you trying to tear or bring you down?  People doing malicious things to one another, physically and emotionally hurting one another and other living beings for that matter.  I feel as though despite my best efforts, it’s so hard to stay positive and keep moving on when I am just surrounded by yucky people with nasty intentions.  Sometimes it just feels like too much.

I know there are other good people out there though.  I see them struggling and trying just like me.