I went on a hike yesterday. I brought my headphones but didn’t use them at all. For 6.3 miles and almost 2 hours it was just me, nature, and my thoughts. My mind was all over the place. Sometimes I was replaying song lyrics in my head, and at other times I thought about the instability of career and some of the not so nice things people have said. At one point I had an epiphany. I realized that I truly love being alone.
“Now I’m me without you, and things are ’bout to get real good.”Gwen Stefani
As I was walking that trail I was content with my own company and didn’t once wish there was someone there with me. Thinking back, I have always been an extremely independent person; my parents would attest to that. When I was 4 I fell down a flight of stairs and got pretty fucked up. To the best of my recollection, I stepped inside a laundry basket in order to reach a light switch, and accidentally ended up sliding down the stairs to the basement and getting pretty banged up. According to my mom, I limped my way outside where they were and didn’t say anything about what had happened or the fact that I was hurt. My knee had swelled up pretty bad and they eventually noticed and took me to the hospital. I didn’t break anything but I was rocking a walker and full leg cast for a while. Anyway, the point of this little trip down memory lane was to prove that I have always done things for myself and kept to myself.
It wasn’t too long ago that I would go through periods where I worried about being single for the rest of my life. A recent experience helped me narrow down what it is I want out of life and relationships, both romantic and platonic, at least right now anyway. Furthermore, it helped me realize there is nothing to worry about. At this point in life I am exactly where I should be and with whom I should be – me.