It’s late and I should be sleeping. My sleep has been off lately. I have little energy to do things. It could be fatigue. It could be depression. I am not really sure. But that’s not what this post is about.
“Well, what inspires you?” I asked an old friend tonight. He responded and called me Lee. So familiar yet so unknown. It feels like our lives were entwined lifetimes ago. I’ve dreamt about him many times before. He doesn’t know. The internet said it could be that I miss a time when life was simpler. I think it’s true. So much has happened between now and then. My life seems surreal to me.
Before I got up to grab my laptop I was laying in bed looking at the ceiling for minutes. Tears started streaming down my face and I realized that if anyone would have been looking at me they would have thought me to be crazy. I think it’s good to cry. It’s good to still feel emotion, to analyze where you’re at in life. It means you’re present and aware. It could also mean I’m a hot mess. I think I’ll go with the former though.
A little over a year ago I laid in bed and cried. My mind visualizing terrible things. My heart asking questions I would never get the answers to. It amazes me that while things are different now, they are the same. When shit went down with the ex and people told me it would take time, I never believed it would take this long. Who knew that the effects would last this long? Don’t get me wrong, I feel as though I have handled the situation appropriately and for the most part I have healed; however, I do think these moments will stay with me forever. That kind of sucks.